Putting yourself out there!

Wow!  What a month it has been!

On August 4th I had my first session with Jan from Elemental Healing (http://www.elementalhealing.com.au/index.htm) and so began my journey back to myself.  I have been lost for a long time... and Jan helped me find myself again.

In hindsight I have been through a lot in the past 3 years... I left my home of 15 years to move back to Melbourne, a place where I never really felt that I had permission to be me because of family pressures.  I thought that I had grown up enough to not succumb to the pressures but I was sooo wrong!  I tried to be what people expected me to be 'cos I just wanted to be loved and accepted and in doing that I became a person that I didn't connect with and didn't understand and didn't like very much.  I was angry so much of the time because I felt forced to be who I was not, only I was the only one forcing this.

Since moving to Melbourne I haven't had the spiritual guidance that was so much a part of my life in Canberra and I have been searching and searching for what was within me all this time.  Chronic pain can really destroy your life if you let it.  It gives you permission to feel sorry for yourself and helpless and weak and it is so easy to fall into that deep, dark pit and soooo very hard to pull yourself back out.  When you are already in the pit and then you suffer the loss of a child... well, God help you to stay alive - and he did!

I can't remember all the steps along this journey to where I am now, but I know that there are 4 people that I really need to thank besides my immediate family of course - Olga Dossa, Chantal Imbach, Kerryn Flatt and Jan.  My family has always been there for me - my husband, my children, my Mum, my 2 sisters, my brother in law and my nieces are an amazing support system and I don't know where I'd be without them but grief is a funny journey and when you are grieving over the loss of a family member your family can't actually help you because they are all grieving too.

Jan helped me because I paid her to do it, but she is a very special woman and I am blessed to have found her and look forward to many years of growing into a better person with her phenomenal guidance.  Olga, Chantal and Kerryn are 3 very special friends who have helped me to rediscover the part of me that I love by loving me, and in doing that they have helped me out of that deep dark pit that I dug for myself over the past 3 years.

And now... this weekend... I feel invigorated.  Mum and I launched our business yesterday by holding a stall at a school fete to promote our new range of clothes - "Twirly Skirts"... we had no sales but lots of great comments and I have rediscovered my love for sewing that was put on the back burner for 10 years.  Who knows if this is going to be a successful business, I believe it will be in time, but more importantly I feel so alive because I have put myself out there.  I am creating... I have started a new path on this journey of life and I am so excited about what lies ahead.  I have hopefully found a way to contribute to my family's income whilst staying home for my children while they are in Primary school and I am passionate about what I am doing.

I remember reading somewhere "What would you do in life if you knew you couldn't fail?"... I think I was inspired by my 9 year old daughter when she ran a very successful fundraiser and I have put myself out there and look forward to reaping the benefits.

Life is soooo very awesome!